A gay man has written a tell-all book which reveals the sordid details of his life using a roll of toilet paper and his penis.
Larry Sabu, 20, said he was too lazy to learn to use a typewriter, so decided instead to use whatever was closest to hand - his massive, erect penis.
"I was having a nice, satisfying wank in the bathroom when all these ideas flashed before my eyes: my childhood years, that awkward first dance, my first visit to a public toilets.
I just needed to get all my thoughts down on paper as quick as possible"
Larry reached for a roll of bog paper and began frantically 'jotting down' his memoirs, so to speak.
"Thankfully I didn't have to worry about running out of 'ink' - I had a Justin Bieber magazine resting on the floor at the time".
Speculation in the writing industry is rife that Larry's memoirs could possibly land him the prestigious Pull-it-zer Prize - an award handed out to writers who write lots of pretentious wank.
He faces stiff opposition from a man in Cardiff who wrote something with a machete.
But Larry is quietly hopeful of success.
"I don't like to boast of achievements - mainly because I have never had any....but they do say that the penis is mightier than the sword...", he added.