William Hague addressed the commons yesterday in a bid to restore any semblance of his true character with the public. The Foreign Secretary was over-joyed that he could admit culpability for sanctioning the botched Special Forces mission in Libya.
"I, as Foreign Secretary, have led a fairly successful tenure with increasing amounts of respect showed to me from my colleagues, and more worryingly, the public. I contest that this is not a fair reflection of me as a politician, or indeed as a human being."
The baldy piss weasel went onto say "I urge all my peers to remember that during my embarrassing time as party leader I claimed to be 'just another binge drinker', in a pathetic attempt to seem at one with the people, and gave a party conference speech that Nick Griffin would have been proud of.
"Sadly, these accomplishments have since been overlooked due to my recent good work. Frankly, I'm just happy to be back where I belong, in the disdain of the electorate".
The Prime Minister hosted a banquet last night for the coalition cabinet ministers in celebration of the foreign secretary's re-established ignominy. Members of both parties reminisced on all the heart-warming failures that Hague has achieved over the years.
A senior official within the party discussed Mr Hague. "Don't forget that William Hague was the first full conservative party leader to not be voted prime minister. I appreciate that this is something we have now come to expect but Billy was the first, and by Jove he was the worst."
Thankfully, the trouble in North Africa has given Mr Hague the opportunity to restore the laughable reputation with which we so fondly remember him."