Sarah, Doshless of York and Andrew, Duke of Hopeless, are to appear in the lead roles of Danny Zuko and Sandy Virginal Girl in a revival of the hit musical Grease.
The pair, always on the lookout for a new opportunity yet uniquely unable to discern a freight train speeding directly toward them, recently wowed producers with their version of the closing number: We Go Together.
The song, with timeless lyrics including 'We go together', 'remembered forever', 'we're one of a kind' and four repetitions of 'we'll always be together', was a source said 'like the story of their lives. Either that or they were singing for their lives. Whatever, neither one can carry a tune but this one has cash cow written all over it. Think two-headed calf meets Madame Tussaud's."
Witnesses said the hapless (ed: happy, surely?) couple performed the number with 'a previously unseen blend of utter sincerity and oblivious irony. We signed them in a instant. Naturally, Sorry did all the negotiating, while Andrew told fart jokes.'
An agreement was reached when the Duke assured producers his diary 'now had loads of time available' despite his well known duties as roving ambassador for drumming up trouble. It is understood the Doshless' offer to personally manage the reconciliation of box office receipts was declined.
Opening night is set for 28th April, however, out of respect for the Royal Wedding, the couple will not perform at the matinee the next day.