Written by James Connor
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Saturday, 27 September 2003

image for Shock as Blair admits: 'I'm gay'
Blair photographed in

Prime Minister Tony Blair rocked the political scene throughout the world today by sensationally outing himself in the public eye.

Whilst addressing the right honourable Ian Duncan-Smith on the usual, rather mundane topic of findings in the Lord Hutton Enquiry, he expressed, "I have to digress for a moment to reflect upon the issue of my sexuality. I've held it back for too long now. I have to tell the house and the people of this country that I am, always have been and am not ashamed to admit it, a massive prancing fag."

A silence fell over the house momentarily, however the speaker called for normal debate to resume, which it did as far as it was possible. Ratings for the parliament channel however still remained desperately low and unchanged throughout the shocking revelations.

The PM's family are said to be in a distraught frame of mind as Tony Blair has, from today effectively, thrown his wife and children out of Number Ten after causing him decades of "pent up feelings of sexual frustration and needless lewd acts towards inflatable men," as he put it to a well-known BBC journalist. The Prime Minister also plans to move his boyfriend, Julian, into the ministerial residence within the next two weeks making yet another first for Labour in just two political terms - a move described by some as "political suicide".

The long-outed prancer Dale Winton, founder of the Men In Needless City Equine Relationships Society and one time presenter of the shittingly awful 'Supermarket Sweep' told The Spoof, "Oohhh, well my darlings, aunt always agreed with me that he was a bit of a mincing lisper. We often had our little tête-à-tête's on tea party days about him being ooover the rainbow."

Sightings of his face in partial disguise have also been made in some of London's most prestigious gay bars. " He was getting "F****** out of his head on poisons like Archers, Malibu and vodka and coke, laughing and dancing around like a total p***k," said Elton John. "So f*****g what? Tony Blair is just another outed poof like me and hundreds and f****** thousands of others. Now f*** off before I sue your f****** arse, or worse! Don't forget to buy my latest -," he added.

Suspicions were initially roused last week when allegations were made against Tony Blair for performing an erotic dance in order to influence George Bush's political agenda on Iraq.

Tony Blair was also spotted outside London's Trocadero Centre today sporting radically different hairstyle. "I had to simply get rid of the old masculine shroud of lies. This is who I really am, so let the par-taying begin."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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