LIVERPOOL - The curator of the Beatles Magical Mystery Strawberry Rain Museum Bickerton T. Featherstone has reported that overnight thieves broke into the museum and made off with some valuable Beatles memorabilia, artifacts, mementos, and relics.
Featherstone stated that one of the items taken was the first pair of drumsticks that Beatles drummer Ringo Starr ever owned. The drumsticks were given to him by his Uncle Finnigan Cullercoat, III, who gave them to Richard Starkey when he was just four months old.
Another missing item is the first 'Black Book' that Paul McCartney ever owned. The book was filled with the names and phone numbers of literally dozens of girls that Paul had dated including Jane Asher, Lulu, Marianne Faithfull, Cilla Black, Petula Clark, and Amiguita "Eleanor" Rigby who some say was McCartney's inspiration for the song "Michelle."
Featherstone was asked by Emma McPiddlehinton of The Bees Knees News Agency how the thieves managed to get into the museum. She was told that they simply used the spare key that the museum's custodian Nigel Butterbottle kept underneath the front door mat.
Another item that was taken was an autographed photo of the piece of Norwegian wood that John Lennon had used as his inspiration when he wrote the song "Norwegian Wood."
Perhaps the most expensive item that was taken was a one thousand dollar bill that had been given to George Harrison by Ed Sullivan when the Beatles made their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show on February 9, 1964, 47 years ago.
A spokesman for Scotland Yard Alfred Doorsensteen stated that they have some excellent leads since one of the culprits dropped a receipt from a local Sainsbury Supermarket and it is currently being processed for DNA.
Doorsensteen noted that when the culprits are caught and he added that the bloody blimey fookin hoodlums will be caught they will be sent directly to The Petula Clark Prison For Blokes located in London.
In news of a military nature. The British navy has announced that the recent Pakistani submarine that ran a ground off the coast of Portsmouth posed no harm to British citizens and that the missiles that were found aboard her were all missing the warheads.