Written by Roy Turse
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Thursday, 3 March 2011

image for Jeremy Clarkson in a Tutu on TV: Send cash and I'll make it happen!
Jeremy Clarkson as 'Black Swan' (artists impression)

The BBC's Comic Relief co-ordinator Ned Roseday has made a pledge that if enough people donate to their fundraising appeal he will force Jeremy Clarkson to re-enact a scene from the film Black Swan in full costume.

"It's a little known clause in his BBC contract," Ned told viewers on Look East earlier today. "We give him shed-loads of money, let him play with all those toys, allow him to make dubious comments about everything from global warming to international politics, and thoroughly embarrass the corporation and indeed the country. In return he has to do exactly what we say for one day a year."

"He doesn't know it yet, but what we have in mind is for Jeremy to be made over by a team of makeup and wardrobe specialists to re-create the iconic part played by Natalie Portman in the film Black Swan. We're expecting lots of black tulle and feathers, black-over-red lips, weird avian eye-shadow and red contact lenses."

Ned says they also expect Clarkson to learn the steps for the ballet performance. "I know that contractually we can only tell him what to do for the day of the performance, but we hope he'll enter into the spirit of it before-hand and learn the dance."

The idea seems to have caught people's imagination. As the item finished airing on the local news show, pledges of thousands of pounds had already been received by e-mail.

Ned later appeared on a brief advert for the upcoming Comic Relief Telethon and thanked viewers for the support. "This is brilliant!" he exclaimed, "If this keeps up, surely Jeremy will be shamed into going through with it!"

"The best idea is to send your pledges to Jeremy himself or to the Top Gear website. Or someone could set up a facebook group to get support. After all it is for a good cause!"

Of course, if you don't like Jeremy Clarkson and just want to donate to Comic Relief you can do so by clicking here.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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