In a dramatic announcement from Buckingham Palace the Queen has declared war on Fiji, an island in the South Pacific, which has decided to replace the Queen on its stamps with pictures of local plants and animals. Rats, pigs and goats are all likely to be moving the Queen aside in a philistine stamp collecting revolution.
David Cameron, with a comforting arm around the Queen, affirmed that all Defence cuts would be cut and that the Royal Navy was preparing to set out within days on a mission to topple Vorteg Banana, military ruler of Fiji who seized power five years ago.
'Not only do we have an insult to the Queen and Britain, we also have a Dictator in power who must be removed. Replacing the face of the Queen with a rat is reason enough for going to war.' announced the PM.
At the United Nations, Britain's ambassador is pressing for international condemnation of swapping a rat for the Queen. Hillary Clinton said she was outraged at the news and Colonel Gaddafi has offered his personal jet to fly the S.A.S. Brigade in Libya to Fiji 'where they will be far more useful.'
Tony Blair reckoned his efforts to bridge the gap between Gaddafi and his critics had been successful and hoped the Queen would take on Iran once Fiji had been reduced to rubble.
A lone voice from Caroline Lucas of the Green Party complained that nobody 'gave a fig for Fiji' and Britain's reaction was disproportionate.
Cameron, after visiting Lady Thatcher for tips on how to recolonise Fiji, dismissed this 'ridiculous grumble' and exclaimed: 'Replacing the Queen with a rat was disproportionate. We are just maintaining our dignity!'