Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Tuesday, 1 March 2011

image for Joanna Lumley Calls In Ghurkas To Improve Youth
Slack and feckless youthful person yesterday.

TV star and Ghurka champion, Joanna Lumley, is to call in her mates in the Nepalese brigade to improve the nation's youth.

Having battled for the rights of former Ghurkas to settle in the UK, the actress has turned her guns on the current youth generation, blaming teachers and parents for allowing them to be slack and feckless.

In an interview with Radio Times Ms Lumley complains: "We are slack with our moral codes for children. Nowadays they find it laughably amusing to shoplift and steal."

She adds that reliance on computers is leading kids "into a false paradise.

"We're not teaching them how to apply themselves."

The answer, she reckons, is a quick dose of life with her favourite army units.

"It used to be a joke to say 'give 'em a taste of the army.' Well, a stint with these guys would certainly sort them out.

"Bit of jungle and mountain training, that's what they need."

However, when she was told that she had the full backing of the editorial writers on head-exploders' newspaper, the Daily Express, Ms Lumley backtracked a little.

"Oh bugger!" she said. "Not that lot. Look - I take it all back. Our kids are wonderful - a terrific bunch."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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