Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Topics: Noel Fielding

Sunday, 27 February 2011

image for Noel Fielding Is A Wanted Man
Have The Eyes of the Ballet World Fallen Upon Noel Fielding

Noel Fielding is under investigation tonight by a highly unusual group of people. Government Cyberspies, who regularly observe the traffic of emails around the world, say that he has been the cause of increased internet chatter in places as far away as Russia.

This is because he has suddenly come to the attention of a very elite and secretive world. That world is the World of Ballet.

It was his performance on a BBC Charity Dance show on Friday night that first alerted them to the fact that there was a new star on the scene, and a race for the acquisition of his considerable talents has been going on ever since.

Three Ballet Companies are now said to be on the verge of making offers to Mr Fielding. The Royal Ballet were so interested in his dance techniques that they have stated that they would like him to teach it to their students.

The Bolshoi have offered him a leading role in their next production and they say they believe he is so good that he won't even have to learn the steps.

This will come as a shock to Mr Fielding who up until now did not believe he could dance. But an insider for the Ballet World said that this is quite normal. Sometimes people can be Ballet Stars and not even know it. Baryshnikov was a bin man before he came to world stardom and Najinsky was a race horse. It takes all kinds.

Mr Fielding was unavailable for comment last night. He was probably too busy training for the final of the Dance competition. But a statement from the Kirov Ballet Company will be posted at noon on Thursday.

They say they have quite a special offer for him, but aren't saying what it is at the moment. But rumour on the cyberspy network has it that it has something to do with dead birds.

They either want him to investigate the recent mass dropping out of the sky of songbirds...or they could be offering him a lead role in the most prestigious ballet production ever.

Watch this space. Announcement on Thursday.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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