Written by Simon Cole
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Sunday, 27 February 2011

image for Archers may loose another Bull

A whistle-blower has revealed that BBC in-house psychiatrist has been called into The Archers production office as fears surface that characters are being picked off because of their accents. The problem stems from Archers editor Vanessa Whitburn gratuitously killing off the well-spoken Nigel Pargeter.

A nervous Charles Collingwood who plays Brian Aldridge, one of the better spoken members of the family, said Whitburn looks at him strangely whenever she sees him. 'I have told my agent to get me more panel games, just in case'

When Whitburn has killed before, the deaths can be explained by natural wastage or contractual obligations, although the death of Mark Hebden is still being treated in some quarters as suspicious.

However Jill was sanguine about it: "We've all got to go sometime," she says, arranging flowers on Phil Archer's grave. None-the-less, seemingly to protect herself, Lillian Bellamy has recently gone all Dora Bryan.

When interviewed by the psychiatrist Ruth Archer simply said 'Ouh noooa', and is considered to be in no danger.

"Sid Perks was killed off overseas, so she may not have got full satisfaction. The real danger now," he concluded, "is that before she has the chance to kill again she may do something really stupid like take out a sacrificial Bull. She was perhaps doing a dry run by sending one to Scotland"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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