A gay man has shocked his neighbours by revealing that a spoof writer for the local newspaper is an invention of his - and emerged from his anus.
Larry Sabu, 20, said he was at home in bed, sitting on his lovers face one day, when he decided to concoct a mischievous - and dare I say 'brilliant' - plan.
Larry immediately finished up his illicit rendezvous with local schoolboy Kevin, then he went to the toilet and produced a large, Zeppelin-shaped turd he named 'Gentleman McGyver'.
Meticulously, he began writing a series of unfunny, tedious stories that focused on the lump of shite and it's daily 'adventures' in the semi-fictional world of Scunthorpe.
One brown envelope and a re-used stamp later and he made off to the post office with his steaming package.
The whiffy load arrived through the tight letterbox of The Scunthorpe Daily News, and such was the amazement of the staff at the quality of writing that they immediately filled the front page with some of Larry's made-up tales:
"LARGE BROWN MAN GETS STUCK IN OVERFLOWING CANAL"
"STICKY SITUATION FOR LOCAL SQUEEZE"
"LOCAL MAN FALLS THROUGH THE CRACKS"
Soon 'Gentleman McGyver' was receiving fan mail and became in big demand for appearances on radio talk shows and other meaningless crap.
It all got too much for Larry who became bored.
"They literally wanted me to talk any old shite but I was too busy masturbating in front of children in the park", Larry said of his fake turd author.
But Larry soon tired of the hullabaloo and came clean.
Intriguingly, the story of Larry's shit-storm was revealed in a 8-page pull out article by none other than Di Horria, the notorious tabloid journo from 'The Bum'.