The planned 'Intergalatic super-duper Susan Boyle fanatics gathering', due to take place in Scotland next month, has been cancelled after being declared illegal.
The gathering, which was to be attended by several billion fanatical loonies and their wealthy husbands, had to be called off after it was found to be in breach of the obscure 'Protection Of Good Taste (Loonies) (Scotland) Act 1804'.
The Act, which is still in force in Scotland, prohibits the wearing of red scarves in the Blackburn area, the wearing of tartan without a license, singing out-of-tune in public places, public blessings without a permit, visiting a supermarket with no intention of buying anything just because you might bump into somebody famous, carrying life-size cardboard representations of famous singers, eating haggis without actually knowing what's in it, drinking lemonade and then complaining that it's fizzy when it shouldn't be, trying to talk with a Scottish accent when you're actually from Texas, line dancing, and generally acting in a childish fashion when you're easily old enough to know better.
"It seems these people would be in breach of every section of the Act, so we had to declare the gathering illegal," said government official Donald J. Giraffe. "I'm sure the good people of Scotland can now breathe a sigh of relief!" he laughed.
"We're disappointed, of course, but we're not done yet!" said a fanatic. "We have constructed an exact replica of Blackburn in our enormous back yard out of cardboard. We call it 'Flat Blackburn' and 'Flat Susan' has already visited! We'll move the gathering there!" rambled the completely deluded fanatic.