Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron today admitted his concerns over the recent protests staged in several Middle Eastern countries by its dissatisfied populace.
Speaking from a wealthy friend's private estate in Egypt Cairo today, he said:
"The situation here in Egypt is that Mubarak and his regime were a domineering and self serving totalitarian government, whom had absolutely no concern for the welfare of its citizens. Furthermore, they have used the most appalling forms of vicious repression. It seems that this has had a definite knock on effect leading to the current troubles in Libya, inspiring the citizens there to up rise in a similar way, ousting similar corrupted governance. The human rights abuses in countries in this region and indeed around the world is not acceptable"
But aides close to the PM today gave a shocking insight into the mind and attitude of the number one. They said:
"Dave isn't worried about all that crap he said earlier. It was Julie that wrote that speech for him. She had to; he was up drinking Doombar until the early hours with some money men. He was a right state this morning. The thing with Dave is he gets a bit laree when he's had too much, and tends to get loose lips. That's why he always insists on being sober by 11.am. He was playing cards with some BP fellas', and was up to 4 pence of a litre of diesel and 3 pence off petrol. But he lost the lot on a pair of 3's. What a prick. Everybody knows not to play Oil Men at Texas Hold'em, and now it looks like fuels going up instead of down."
But the revelations didn't stop there. The aide went onto say:
"This whole uprising malarkey, you know; Bahrain, Egypt, Libya, it's all because China won at Bacharach at the G8 summit. The only way to carry the marker through was to find some more chips. The western world agreed the easiest place for cash back would be in this region. If the corporations don't get some hard currency (oil) for the next G8 summit, they won't be able to play. That might mean they have to gamble in coal, which could be bad news for Britain."
So as the situation worsens in the region, and as the people return to reclaim their country, you can take comfort in the fact that at least the UK government takes its citizens a lot more seriously. Until the troops come home of course...