Wannabe rap artiste Atchu Gorblessya of Hackney, East London, has finally discovered to her cost that all the warnings about buttock enhancing injections were not without foundation.
Following a recent fatality attributed to a botched buttock enhancement operation in the USA, Atchu - stage name Ibefamous Innit - defied medical advice and elected to go ahead with an unregulated buttock enhancement procedure, which it transpired was actually conducted by a retired fork lift truck driver, named Sam.
In a seedy hotel room in Hastings.
It was an ill considered decision to go ahead with the unlicensed procedure, but Atchu was determined to have the biggest bottom in Hackney, duly dismissing the health risks by rationalising to herself: "That won't happen to me innit."
Sadly, she got it all terribly wrong.
Atchu told Skoob News reporters that she arrived at the venue, went through the usual pre-op routine, and then submitted herself to a general anaesthetic of vodka and red bull.
When Atchu finally came round, her derriere was the approximate size of a tractor tyre, and Sam was nowhere to be seen. Atchu takes up the story:
"Me wake up in the hafternoon and me butt is massive man. Me was well dizzy an sheet. Heventually, me get me butt up an it be tree time the size it was before. Me try to sit up up on me brand new booty an' me bounce up off da cot and hit me head on da ceiling. Me like, OUCH! Then me look an' me find big container wit de label "Liquid Industrial Vulcanised Rubber" an me tinkin...'im inject me wit dat? Needless to say, him sure did. Now me can't sit down. Me just bounce back all de time. Sometimes me bounce back so tuff me bounce off de wall man! Dat no good! Me can't sit down no more man. Me just bounce all ower de place like a big mad beachball. Avin sed dat dough, me butt quite nice an' massive now - but me man im keep complainin' about de cross ply tyre tread in me booty."
Erm...more as we get it?