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Sunday, 20 February 2011

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Jordan is a 'newbie' on the Isle of Wight Social Scene

Former glamour girl Jordan, aka, Katie Price is to relocate to the Isle of Wight. Jordan is fond of theme park Blackgang Chine where she takes her three children for a treat during the school holidays.

It is rumoured that Jordan is looking for a suitable new house on the Island and she is said to be looking for a posh retreat in Yarmouth, with stabling and livery nearby.

Jordan has become friendly with the Captain of "Our Lady Pamela" Wight Link's flagship. In the summer she was filmed on the bridge with Princess and Junior, Captain John Wright allowed Junior to 'steer' the ship.

This kindness has been remembered by Jordan who needs all the friends she can get after a very well publicised split from husband Alex Reid.

Jordan is said to be excited about being a 'newbie' and is hoping to get her brood into Ryde School were she will be a new face at school closing time when she'll pick up her three kids in her 4 by 4 customized pink pick-up truck.

The glamour girl is hoping to be able to take part in Island life and is keen to open the Garlic Festival and to attend the 'Bestival' and meet some of her showbiz pals.

An estate agent from Watson Bull and Porter said, "It is looking good, Jordan has viewed some really up-marked properties with swimming pools, and indoor gymnasiums and all mod cons.

Jordan has recently become afraid that an organised criminal gang that prays on wealthy footballers and Wags could try and kidnap her precious kids and demand a ransom. Jordan said that if she was living on an Island and if anything untoward were to happen she could notify Wight Link and Red Funnel and they would be on the look out for any cars with suspicious looking persons trying to leave the Island.

The super-mum took her brood to the Spinnaker Tower as a treat and then to see the Victory at Gun Wharf Quay. Jordan then went to some upmarket stores in the new retail outlets in Portsmouth and bought her children some new outfits to wear during the half-term holiday on the Isle of Wight.

A spokesperson from Brickfields Equestrian Centre said, "Miss Katie Price is paying towards the upkeep of a shire horse which we will call 'Honey'.

Friends of Jordan are also considering buying holiday properties on the Island. A member of the tourist board said that if Miss Katie Price moves to the island it would 'boost tourism'.

She is said to be willing to promote and sponsor a Miss Isle of Wight beauty pageant as she said, "there are lots of lovely girls on the Island".

However, news of her arrival as an Isle of Wight resident has not gone down well with the snooty crowd in Cowes who organise "Cowes Week". One lady named Mary Anne Dabell has said, "we do not want a 'nouveau riche' crashing our social events."

Prince Harry and Guy Pelly however are said to be considering inviting Jordan to a party on their sloop next time they are down at the Yacht Club. However, they don't think that they will be able to wangle and invite for Will's and Kate's wedding in the summer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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