Written by grimbo
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Saturday, 19 February 2011

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After studying the issue of national mourning for the last 2 years, sociologists at the Institute of Deep Thinking have come up with the theory that our increasing capacity for public outpourings of grief is inextricably linked with the premature death of Princess Di.

The Institute has analysed statistics from before and after the tragedy in 1987 and claim to have unimpeachable proof that the princess' death unleashed the flood of tears that we all now demonstrate at the touch of a hat.

But the Scots would vigorously poo poo that suggestion and state quite categorically that the first time a whole nation mourned occurred at 17.10 on July 39th, 1966.

Kenneth Wolstenholme's iconic (and , some would say, fateful) "they think its all over..." heralded a mass outpouring of grief north of the border that has not diminished one iota since that fateful day.

In the succeeding 45 years, non Anglo-Saxon TV audiences have collectively cringed their way through 11 World Cup finals, 22 World Cup semi finals, 44 World Cup quarter finals, 88 last 16 rounds and thousands of World qualifying rounds waiting for the ceaseless references to "that day" to surface, inevitably spoiling what was up till then an enjoyable viewing experience.

The debilitating effect on the Scottish psyche has not only been inestimable but also in all probability irreversible.

There have been rare moments of temporary relief brought about by Uwe Seeler in '70, Jan Tomaszcewski in '74, Maradona in '86.

But these have been all too slight to ever completely soothe the fevered brow that has blighted the Scottish anatomy since that fateful day at Wembley.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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