Written by j.w.
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Friday, 18 February 2011

image for Isle of Wight - New Discoveries
Captain Cook sailing between the Islands

After many years of uncertainty it has now been established that the Isle of Wight is, in fact, the Isles of Wight.

Intrepid sailors braving gales off Cows (named after some strange hopping animals seen in the vicinity), were blasted up a river and just kept going. After many adventures they found they had reached the other side of the island! After sailing into the English Channel messages were sent back to London by Captain Cook, the ship's captain.

London passed the messages to the Admiralty who asked Cook if he could bring back a native of the Islands so that they could be examined by scientists.

'This is exciting news' said Prof Herbert Banks 'we knew there were creatures living on this island, from reports by French sailors who were blown off course by gales. They always thought the inhabitants were very primitive.'

The Government are optimistic about establishing the Isles of Wight as a penal colony, thus reducing the number of people held in English prisons. As transportation to the islands is feared more than anything else by the criminal fraternity, crime rates are certain to go down, according to Home Office insiders.

So the map of the world takes a new turn. How the channel dividing the island has been missed previously is a mystery. One theory is that a dinosaur, long thought to be extinct, had been lying asleep in the chasm between the islands, had woken up and moved away - leaving the channel for Captain Cook to discover.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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