Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Thursday, 17 February 2011

image for Nigella Lawson: "We're All A Bit Lesbian!"

Buxom TV sexpot cook, Nigella Lawson, claims that all women have a bit of the lesbian about them.

Recalling her days at boarding school, the busty domestic goddess said she had a crush on a fellow pupil.

Although she says she's never had any girl-on-girl action, she adds: "I think we all have it in us. I find difference interesting."

EIF News & Features commission PollsRUs to investigate the Nigella's claim.

Nuala Spools, at number 33, said: "Oh no dear, I haven't got time for all that nonsense.

"I was quite interested when I was younger - I even played Juliet in the school play one year. But no, the amateur dramatics are something I've had to leave behind, I'm too busy keeping the brood fed and watered."

Ms Freddie Butt, who runs the corner shop, told us that she was quite interested in all things Sapphic. "Ho yus! I'm very partial to getting down and dirty with a nice babe, now and again. Gimme a strap-on dick and I'm as happy as Larry.

"In fact that missus of yours is quite handy - let me know if you're ever thinking about passing her on.

"And that Nigella - phwoar! I wouldn't half mind sticking me head between them pillows! Come on!

"Have you picked up your Radio Times this week?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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