Ed Miliband was last night hailed a hero after defeating the Tombies in the Battle of the Giant Fridge/Freezer.
Ed Miliband and the Rebel leader George Galloway hiked to the Scottish Highlands and found the fridge at a secret Tory Party Hideout. The fridge was just as I described it last Thursday in my exclusive. It was 10 miles long and 2 miles deep.
Attached to the giant fridge (with a magnet) were recipes for terrible Zombie/Tory Hybrid Sunday dinner recipes. These recipes included things like Geordie Lasagne, Glaswegian vindaloo and Brummie Bhuna. There were also recipes that included simpler things like "How to cook a Scouser in a Microwave."
Plans to build a giant food processing factory to make these ready meals in were also attached to the fridge. As was a fridge magnet that said simply, "Tombies Like Take-aways, Too"
George and Ed were horrified by this preparation for the mass cooking of Northern People by the Zombie wing of the Conservative Party.
Once Ed and George assessed the situation, they quickly set to work implanting extra-effective dynamite into the sides of the giant fridge freezer. But they weren't that quick, because it was a very big fridge, and the job took 5 whole days. When this task was completed they retreated to Glasgow and detonated the fridge with a mobile phone. The blast was so big it could be heard from space.
Then they went home to London on the Dearstalker Express, knowing the world would probably never find out about how they saved the Northerners from Tory dinner plates.
The Tombies were devastated when they heard that their fridge had gone bang, because they thought that this fridge was the answer to all their Big Society problems. They'd come to the conclusion that if they ate enough of the big society, then the big society would become a small society and, therefore, it would be easier to manage.
Also they'd been looking forward to the prospect of having fast food. The Tombies have recently declared themselves bored of chasing down their favourite food on horseback. Its a bit time-consuming.
David Cameron was unavailable for comment but one of his friends was heard to hear him say. "We'll think of something else. We shall have our Geordie Vindaloo Ready Meals. We shall."
By Katarina Frogpond.