Written by Jack Melling
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Sunday, 13 February 2011

Chancellor George Osborne has agreed a deal with the wank bank that will force them to start lending again.

The wank bank had refused to lend back sexual and arousing images that men had stored leading to very tense situations.

The news will be a welcome relief to men that had numerous images stored in the wank bank but were unable to use them, with many having to rely on internet pornography due to the lack of lending.

The wank bank works by allowing men to transfer sexual images of the opposite sex into the system. It then lends back the images when required at a later date. However, during the economic downturn lending has come to a standstill.

George Osborne said, "I like many others had previously relied on the wank bank to get me through difficult and tiresome days. However, since the economic crisis, the wank bank has refused to lend, leaving many men angry, frustrated and constantly on edge."

"I believe this deal will signal the start of a fairer banking system, which allows increased lending and increased wanking."

However, many still believe the move doesn't go fair enough, with some arguing that bankers are wanking away to their saved images all the time, but not allowing others to take part in similar activities.

One person said, "The wanker bankers are constantly wanking away to everything we've saved, but I still feel incredibly restrictive, often wanking only once, maybe twice a month because of the limitations on my wank bank account."

Public dismay is likely to increase as the wank bank announces big wank bonuses, despite millions of lost customer images that bankers wanked away to in 2010.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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