In the wake of police advice to homeowners to be a bit careful about how they go about protecting their garden sheds, just in case potential thieves or marauding pikeys should injure themselves and subsequently take legal action against the shed owners, OAP Len Felcher of Camberley, Surrey, has started a protest movement.
"The rozzers are telling us not to nail wire over our shed windows, or install reinforced steel doors. It's ridiculous," complained Mr Felcher. "What do they expect us to do? I mean, I've had my shed raided twice in the last half century by thieving bastard pikeys. They can't expect us to put up with that malarkey and nonsense! Last time they broke in - 1953 it was - they had it away with my best hoe. Bleedin' heartbroken I was. I really got attached to that hoe. Used to call her Gloria, I did. I loved that hoe. But it didn't stop the thieving bastard pikeys nicking her. And now the bloody cozzers is tellin' us we can't even protect our own property!"
Len Felcher went on to say that he had started a protest movement, about what he described as "pro-pikey police heavy handedness." He explained that he had started up a website with the help of a neighbour, Bernard, and that so far they had recruited eleven members.
Plans have been put in place for a mass demonstration at Blackbushe market, which organisers say will make Tahrir Square look like a jumble sale.
A Surrey Metro Police Department spokesman commented:
"I suppose Len Felcher has been spreading his malicious lies again. He really is a sad, embittered old man with limited bladder control. The police aren't telling anybody not to secure their sheds against potential threats from pikeys, but we had to have a quiet word with Mister Felcher, because we thought that bear traps, land mines, and a machine gun emplacement were perhaps somewhat extreme measures to take in order to defend a shed."
The mass demonstration will take place next week. The police have notified the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst, to warn the army that they may need to send in some tanks, APC's and Ghurkas to quell a potential shed uprising.