Written by Reddon
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Topics: Theft, Sauce, Ketchup

Saturday, 12 February 2011

image for Sauce bottle collection stolen overnight
A terrible business indeed.

A Gorleston man's life was left in tatters this morning after heartless thieves broke into his garden shed and stole his prized collection of sauce bottles.

Kevin Ramsey, 61, of Oak Road struggled to hold back tears as he explained that his entire collection of over 700 sauce bottles, which had taken a lifetime to acccumulate, had all been taken, leaving nothing behind but bare shelves.

A police spokesman explained at a press conference that the thief, or thieves - if there had been one or more accomplices - had struck in the dead of night, and forced his, her, or their (if there was more than one) way into the shed by prying a padlock open.

The spokesman went on to say that the police had ruled out the setting up of road blocks throughout East Anglia, and sending up a fleet of helicopters to conduct an aerial search for the thieves, as the culprits would, realistically, be long gone.

Probably back to their lair in a lock-up garage in south-east London, or a scrap metal merchant's yard in Manchester.

Among the items taken were a 1956 HP bottle, a 1961 Heinz tomato ketchup bottle, a 1979 Daddies fruity brown bottle, a 1971 Tabasco bottle, a catering size salad cream squeezy bottle, a 2009 Death By Chilli bottle, and a Smokey Joes Tangy BBQ sauce bottle originally purchased during the 2010 world cup finals from a 24 hour garage in Gorleston.

Anyone with information should call the police or keep it to themselves. There is no reward on offer at the time of going to press.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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