Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced that they are buying the Forth Bridge, so they can rename it the Susan Boyle Bridge.
"We think it's important that a major Scottish landmark is named after Susan. We asked the government people to rename it, but they said no. We even sent the Queen a nice red scarf and a quilt, but they still wouldn't do it," grumbled a deluded fanatic. "In the end we decided we'd have to buy the bridge ourselves, then we can name it what we want!" continued the fanatic.
"We were very lucky!" grinned a chief fanatic. "We were emailed by a very nice gentleman called Mr. Hima Connmann, who's friendly with a very nice African prince who we helped with his inheritance problem recently. He told us he could sell us the bridge for only $1million. We almost had enough money left over in our quilt fund, but we had to set up another donate button to raise the rest," continued the fanatic.
"We've now sent the money to Mr. Connmann via untraceable money transfer to his bank in Lagos. We've received the deeds to the bridge, but we're a bit concerned because they seem to be written in crayon on what seems to be a paper napkin from the Lagos branch of 'Happy Hamburger'. We've tried phoning his cell number, but we keep getting a restaurant in Kowloon?" said a very deluded old dear with a red scarf.
"We've knitted a huge red scarf to put around the bridge when we rename it! We've invited Susan to come along, of course, along with the Scottish President, that Mr. Cameroon guy!" grinned some typical confused American fanatic.
Speaking through a Scottish to English translator, a spokesperson for the Scottish Government gruffed "Och, who the bloody hell are these loonies? Now bugger off will ya, I'm eating ma haggis!"
Mr. Connmann was unavailable for comment, perhaps because he doesn't exist!