Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Sunday, 13 February 2011

image for Colin Firth "Rootless" Complaint Upsets Chiswick Neighbours
Your round, Firthy!

As he waves at the world's cameras from the BAFTA red carpet tonight, Colin Firth's Chiswick neighbours will be experiencing mixed emotions.

On one hand, of course, they want their local film star to win the best actor award for his portrayal of King George VI in The King's Speech.

But on the other, some have been hurt by his assertion that he feels rootless.

Firth is favourite to pick up the award at the Royal Opera House in London's Covent Garden tonight. He has already won the Golden Globe and Screen Actors' Guild Award for his role as the stammering monarch.

But in a pre-ceremony interview with TV listings magazine, TV Times this week, the actor says that because work requires him to live in several places throughout the year, he feels he can't call anywhere home.

"Ungrateful sod!" Declared Mrs Cynthia Gout, who lives near the actor in the leafy London suburb. "I always watch him from behind the curtains when he takes his kids to school or when he picks them up from the bus.

"All my friends have got the DVD of Pride And Prejudice and I've even bought something from his wife's eco-shop in the High Road.

"The King's Speech? No, I haven't seen it yet, but I will when it comes out on DVD."

Mr Dirk Spanks, a regular at Firth's local pub, told us: "Firthy? Rootless - dunno what he's on about.

"You know what? We often see him over the road from here, and we give it 'Oi oi Firthy! Your shout, mate,' but he never comes in to buy a round.

"Wouldn't hurt him, would it? I mean he must be worth a few bob. 'Spose he doesn't hear us.

"I've never spoken to him, mind... well you know how it is with these arty types."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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