Written by j.w.
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Saturday, 12 February 2011

image for Clarke Told to Cut it Out
Man Seeing the Scale of the Cuts

Kenneth Clarke, the human face of Conservatism, and (for the moment) Justice Secretary has been told by Prime Minister, Cameron to 'CUT IT OUT!', following Clarke's comments in the 'Daily Telegraph' (of all places) that the middle classes have not appreciated the shock of the cuts they will be feeling shortly.

'The only way to avoid the pain is to go abroad' he said. 'China has a thriving economy and a lot of bamboos. It is clearly the place for middle class people to go. This will leave the unachievers with the cuts and they are used to that sort of thing.'

Cameron is certain these comments will only help Labour in the forthcoming local elections, but Clarke has responded that Local Government is a farce anyway so why worry?'

'But it is part of our devolution policy' explained Cameron.

'How can you devolve to something that hardly exists?'

'Ken, you must stop undermining me and the Coalition Government. Otherwise I will have to remove you onto the backbenches.'

Clarke stalked away, confident that he had far better nuclear weapons than Vince Cable and knew when to keep quiet about them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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