Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Topics: Jamie Oliver

Saturday, 12 February 2011

image for Miracle Weight Loss Plant to be Unveiled by Jamie Oliver
Goodbye Cellery, Hello Cabbage.

A miracle weight loss plant is set to be unveiled today by healthy food Guru, Jamie Oliver. The product is so simple, and tastes so fantastic that people will wonder why they've never eaten before.

This plant, however, isn't one that has just been newly discovered off the coast of Madagascar, its been in circulation for over 1000 years. But because Jamie Oliver didn't tell people it tastes amazing, they just didn't bother to try it. Now he has endorsed this wonder product, however, it is set to become the must-have product of 2011.

This wonder product is, of course, raw, chopped up, cabbage. Jamie says that if you eat cabbage in the same way you would a packet of crisps then the weight should drop off in a miraculous way.

He says every time you want a crisp, you have to have some chopped up cabbage in a bowl, instead. Everytime you want chocolate, you have to have some cabbage with honey and mustard dressing. Its so simple and its so portable, too. You can take it to work in a plastic box.

It will also save you a fortune when you go to the cinema. Everyone knows how expensive it is to buy popcorn, but if you smuggle your plastic box of cabbage into the cinema, then you'll save a fortune.

And with that fortune you can buy... more cabbage.

So, go on. Its what Jamie wants you to do, so it must right.

By Katarina Frogpond

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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