Reports are coming in that an ordinary man, who isn't a celebrity or a sports star endured a horrifying ordeal yesterday evening, when he went shopping at a local supermarket, only to realise, half way round the store that he had somehow inadvertently left home without any trousers on.
The man - a forgetful idiot by his own admission - later described how he had set out on the ill fated shopping trip completely unaware that he'd forgotten to put his trousers on.
"I'd forgotten to put me blinkin' trousers on!" he laughed. (With hindsight.)
The man explained that he first suspected something was amiss as he was pushing his shopping trolley down the fruit and veg aisle, when an elderly lady pinched his buttocks and informed him that he had 'a ripe bum. Ripe enough for plucking!'
The man pressed on, oblivious to the sniggers he was attracting.
Until he came to the cider aisle.
"There was some hoodies down there," he revealed. "Kids, wiv their hoods up, lurking about, like. Actin' suspenseful and that. Anyroad, they started taking the piss. About me not having any trousers on and that. So I looked down - and bugger me! (Not literally) They were right. I'd come out the house without me blinkin' trousers on! It was like a nightmare. Or something similar. A really, really bad dream - so I rushed as fast as me little legs would carry me to the nearest checkout desk..."
Trying to explain his predicament to the checkout girl (Mandy - 22 - 2 kids - unmarried mother from up the estate) proved fruitless.
Upon seeing that the man was trouserless, the checkout girl (Mandy) hit the hapless man in the face with a big squishy custard pie. And screamed for somebody to call the police.
The hapless idiot who forgot to put his (cor blimey!) trousers on takes up the story:
"It just went from bad to worse after that. Eric Sykes hit me in the head with a plank. Michael Crawford came whizzing past me on roller skates. Then they all started hitting me with custard pies. And letting fire extinguishers off at me. The police turned up driving a steam driven traction engine. I abandoned me shopping and run for me blinkin' cor strewth and lumme gor blimey life. And to add insult to injury, some bastard stuck a Roman Candle up me arse! Then I fell down a manhole. Nightmare it was..."
Eventually, the dopey bastard who forgot to put his trousers on to go shopping was arrested. Along with former funnyman Tommy Cooper, alleged sex pervert (now deceased) Arthur Mullard, and hoody, Ben Elton, for crimes against the spirit of comedy.
"I won't be going shopping again without trousers in a hurry," he told the press. "Right fucking nightmare this has been. And that's a fact. Innit. An ting."
No teen idols from the world of showbiz were involved. Or so they say.
More as we get it.