Written by Steddyeddy
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Thursday, 10 February 2011

image for New Baptism process announced by the Church of England (Yorkshire division)

Following on from recent reports that the Church of England baptism is considered a little bit 'dull' and potentially one of the reasons why people are falling out with religion, the Church of England (Yorkshire division) has devised a method it thinks will be a sure-fire winner with the public.

Canon Rik Boringman, from the Diocese of Logg on Fyre, just outside York, has confirmed that in typical Yorkshire tradition, those requiring a baptism will be "dunked" - in the same manner Yorkshire people dunk their biscuits - in a vat of cold Yorkshire tea (available from supermarkets from Taylors of Harrogate in 80, 160 and 240 bag packets), with the blessing "Eeeee bahhh gum, tha is now one of us 'ere Christians".

It is hoped that this services, predicted to last for about 53 seconds before everyone heads off to the Grog and Bucket for a celebratory binge session, will rejeuvenate what has come to be seen as a load of old twaddle where the people in very strange attire try to peddle the unbelievable and unproven to the sceptical.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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