A secret document left on the London Underground last week has revealed the worrying fact that David Cameron is planning to De-oxygenate Britain.
The plan involves selling our oxygen to other countries that don't have as much oxygen as Britain does. The oxygen will be sold in the form of trees and anyone in the world who wants to buy Britain's trees can pay David Cameron and the Tories a large sum of money and take them away.
David Cameron will never mention the word Oxygen, however, when he is trying to convince us to let him sell our trees. But that's what he's doing. If he sells our trees, he's selling the air that we breathe. And because those trees don't belong to him (they belong to the country) he will in effect be stealing the air that we breathe.
David Cameron, and fellow Tombie (Tory/Zombie Hybrids) George Osborne, have been planning this for some time. They see de-oxygenation as a quick way of killing lots of Northerners in a nice clinical fashion with no mess.
Dr Cadmium Green says that once the trees leave the country it would only be 6 days before people got de-oxygenated. This would decimate the population and lead to a mass extinction of City Dwellers.
To add to this horror, David Cameron's friends have been whispering that George Osborne and other Tombies are building something sinister in the remotest part of the Scottish Highlands. Onlookers have said it appears to be a giant fridge 10 miles long and two miles high.
It appears as if The Tories are building the biggest fridge/freezer in the whole history of fridges to accomodate the influx of free meat from the North of England when the De-oxygenation programme begins.
That is why it is so important to keep our trees. Don't let the Tombies de-oxygenate you. Get out and protest to save our trees. But if the worst comes to the worst, Keep a tree in your garden and a pot plant in your pocket at all times. This could save your life.
And it could save you from ending up in David Cameron's giant fridge/freezer.
By Katarina Frogpond