Written by j.w.
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Topics: Police, Handbags

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

image for Police to be Issued with Handbags
Police will be getting Handbags

Following in the footsteps of Hero Granny, Ann Timpson, 71 the Police are being issued with red handbags with which to deal with criminals.

Ann took on four sledgehammer wielding jewel thieves in Northampton with shouts of 'Stop It!' and landed several blows with her handbag. .

'They raised their hammers to attack me' she said 'but I got in first and smashed one to the ground. They then fled.'

Police Superintendent Jim Mouse told waiting reporters at the nearby police station that he was now issuing all his patrols with red handbags. 'I shall be getting Hero Granny Ann Timson to teach them how to wield this weapon. It is far more effective than the old fashined truncheon. We have much to learn from Ann.'

Ann is also to be teaching the Police how to shout 'STOP IT!' effectively, a cry that will be replacing the traditional 'Hello, Hello, Hello' exclamation used at the moment.

Police Minister Susan Shrimp has been talking to her grandmother for more useful tips she can pass on. 'Even in these times of cuts we must find the funds to buy red handbags for the whole Police Force' she told baying reporters. 'That's enough, now Stop It!' she yelled and the pack of hacks bolted.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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