According to sources, a covert government think tank has recommended that in order to pull out of a possible double dip recession, Britain should focus on what it does best: crap.
Westminster insiders are adamant that Britain leads the world in crap. It's a point which is difficult to argue.
It seems, according to researchers, that Britain leads the world in the field of crap - besides having crap roads, crap railways, crap television, a crap movie industry, crap football managers, and a crap music industry, that Britons talk crap more effectively than their EU counterparts, and are getting even better at talking crap than our American cousins.
Independent research suggests that Britain is actually sinking in crap, and that it is by far our most successful core business activity. Economists lament that if Britain could only harness the amount of crap generated on a daily basis, that Britain would swiftly return to the age of Empire.
Professor Ludwig Skateboard, of Ludlow College Of Arts And Technology told us:
"We do crap better than anybody else in the world, and we should be exploiting that capability. Everything we do here is basically crap, so why should we not export it? There's a massive market out there just gagging for crap - it would be a shame and a missed opportunity not to exploit it. Once we've got our heads around the basic reality that we're all full of crap, that we all talk crap, and that everything we do is crap, then maybe we can harness all that crap to our own advantage. Mind you, anybody who buys in to the idea of buying crap like we have on offer is probably going to be in for a very bad day."
More crap as we get it.