In an increasingly desperate move to try and discredit the ConDem coalition, Ed Balls, the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer claimed in an interview with Jigsaw Monthly, that David Cameron roams about his Witney constituency in order to search for Puppies that "need a good strangling"..
Mr Balls also believes that the Prime Minister also has a "gold encased see saw" and he has an on-call wizard - all funded by the tax payer.
A government spokesman replied to these accusations with "Obviously his name sums him up. He is just trying to deflect the attention of the previous government's 13 years in power by getting this country into nearly three trillion pounds worth of debt during their tenure."
"Mr Cameron does not strangle Puppies..he never has. It's such a ludicrous suggestion. Yes, in the past (whilst at Eton) Mr Cameron has shot poor people, but he is adamant that those days are well behind him now. He is a reformed character".
Mr Cameron refused to acknowledge these claims when quizzed, while attending his weekly art class in Bethnal Green.