Written by j.w.
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Topics: Parliament

Monday, 7 February 2011

image for David Cameron Announces New Cabinet Posts
Cabinet Reshuffle

David Cameron, aware that he is losing popularity and that Nick Clegg as Deputy PM has too much on his plate has been revising his Cabinet in a reshuffle which is aimed at lifting the opinion poll rating of the Government.

Nick Clegg, after being offered the post of Minister of All Sorts pointed out that this could be confused with Liqourice Allsorts and before long this would become Lick Your Arse All Sorts, which would give an unfortunate impression. Further Clegg felt many would object to Lick Your Arse when it should Kiss Your Arse.

So after much consideration of alternatives such as Minister of Lost Causes, which in the end was thought to be too defeatist, they had agreed on Minister of Impossible Solutions. This had the benefit that if Clegg solved any of the problems he had to be a genius and if he failed - who could do the Impossible?

Up and coming Jeremy Hunt was given a leg up with a new post of Minister of Gynaechology. It was thought he would slip into this job.

Vince Cable had perhaps over reached himself as Business Minister and a new post of Minister of Nuclear Defence was thought to be right up his street.

Kenneth Clark, the Cabinet swinger, is to become Minister of Rave Culture in a bid to win over young voters.

Michael Gove is giving up Education, where he was out of his depth, to become Minister of Libraries - a position with a limited lifespan.

Finally George Osborne, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, having sorted out the Economy is to be given the even greater challenge of Minister of Unemployment.

Watch the Tories rise up those charts in no time!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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