Call me Dave, went to Munich, gave a racist speech to appease the racist Angela Merkel and the Tory right wing.
Now, he is reported to be livid at the reaction to his speech.
Insiders at Downing Street, insist that the speech was all about the spread of nits at the PM's childrens' school and has absolutely nothing to do with Muslim extremists (except that they don't keep their kids hair clean).
On discovering that his children's hair was moving with head lice, the PM carefully checked each of the kids hair with a bone comb.
"I told you not to send the kids to a multicultural school, you never know what they might pick up" Dave reportedly told his wife, Sam.
"But there are only very clean posh kids in the classes" Sam replied.
"I f******* knew it, those bloody parents are employing illegals again. I'll have them deported, the dirty foreigners and I'll warn that Munich conference that non English speaking, ghettoised lice are back!" screamed Dave.
Sales of Lice 'R us head lotion have trebled in the Westminster. Kensington and Chelsea areas.
The Speaker will order all MP's to submit to a head count by his wife, Sallice, recently promoted to Head Nit Nurse, ASAP.