Groups from all over the U.K have condemned Prime Minister David Cameron's claim that he doesn't see the point of any kind of athletic event, especially "those stupid races".
In a speech to the Conservative Alliance for Making As Much Dosh As Possible this morning, the PM alleged that "when yours truly and one's very best chums Fortesque Ponsenby-Smythe and Evander "No Chin" Blenkensop were prefects at Eton and Oxford, the suggestion that one would indulge in any sort of superfluous physical activity (other than, perhaps, flogging one's fag for not clipping one's rectal hair properly) is quite frankly ludicrous".
Cameron goes on ".....Its perfectly true that , in addition to the First Class Honours one garnered in Philosophy, Politics and Economics, one was also the 100 meters Sprint Champion in 1985. But the only active involvement therein that could be attributed to oneself was setting fire to one's fag Smith Minor's coat tails and directing him to the caskful of water located at the end of the running track".
"Why expend any energy on some futile pastime when one has servants at one's beck and call. Smith Minor has of course been replaced by dear old Cleggie. He really isn't a bad old egg, when all is said and done".