Written by Lady Godiva
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Saturday, 5 February 2011

image for Isle of Wight News: Newby's snow shovel 'found'.
No caption needed!

Good news for Newby villagers. The missing show shovel has been found.

It was originally feared that the Danby Five had shovellednapped it but after 3 days, when no ransom note had been received, villagers realized that their initial suspspicions had been unwarranted or misdirected.

Two days after the 'disappearance' of the shovel...it began to rain, eventually washing away the snow. It rained non-stop for 24 hours and on the morning of the third day, little Billy Murray went outside and lo and behold - he saw the snow shovel lying on the ground.

It would appear that when Stan Murray leaned the shovel against the side of the house whilst he went inside for a jimmy riddle, a strong wind came along and blew the shovel to the ground. Snow was then blown over it, hiding it from view.

Stan came out and panicked. He'd been left in charge of the village's only snow shovel and knew he'd feel the ire and wrath of the other villages as they'd be unable to clear their paths etc.

He did indeed feel the ire and wrath of the other villagers. No-one would sit next to him in the pub.

Billy said, "Well, I always wondered about the fact that there were no footprints in the snow around the area where me dad said 'e left the shovel, well only me dad's tha' is. No-one takes any notice of me so I kept me gob shut.

Then...I came out this morning looking for me frisbee and...there i' were...not me frisbee, but the missing shovel."

The Danby Five are suing the village of Newby for defamation of character. They are not excpected to win coz they are a sneaky group of thieving low-life.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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