Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 5 February 2011

image for Blood Test Fast Sends Spoof Writer Over The Edge

Fasting for nearly 16 hours before a blood test sent a Spoof correspondent on a high street food-grabbing spree before he was arrested by police yesterday.

Head of EIF News & Features Ellis Ian Fields was scheduled for his annual blood test at 11.50am yesterday.

He explains: "The instructions tell you to fast from 8pm the previous evening. It never bothered me before because I've usually been given a much earlier time.

"But as I went through the morning, stomach grumbling embarrassingly, it occurred to me that it was ridiculous that a fast should be from 8pm the previous day whether you are scheduled for an 8am or a 12 noon test!

"Anyway, I had my test on time, but then my appointment with the surgery nurse was delayed by 20 minutes for some reason. So, come nearl 1pm I'm getting really angry - not to mention ravenous! No wonder the nurse found my blood pressure a little high.

"I got out of the surgery but the next thing I remember is being in a cell at Chiswick nick."

A police spokesman told us: "We received calls from several food outlets on Chiswick High Road complaining about a man raiding the shelves, stuffing his face and running out without paying.

"We caught up with him at Waitrose, unwrapping a Melton Mowbray pork pie."

Mr Fields continued: "When I came round in the nick, I tried to call my colleague and so-called mate Colonel Juan to come and get me out - but he claimed to be "entertaining" some young female students. Yeah right! Thanks Colonel!"

Mr Fields will appear before Hounslow magistrates next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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