Written by grimbo
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Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Under pressure Egyptian President Mubarak has taken the unprecedented step of turning to sources in Tyneside in a desperate attempt to extend his 30 year reign in the troubled country.

Having found it increasingly difficult to control events on the streets of Cairo, Alexandria, Suez and Luxor, Mubarak - an avid Premiership fan - today contacted Newcastle boss Alan Pardew with a view to clinching a signing outwith the recently closed transfer window.

As a result immediately following the Magpies away tie tonight against Fulham, 90 million Egyptian pounds (approximately 9.7 million pounds sterling) will be lodged in Newcastle's bank account in return for the emergency loan signing of fringe striker Nile Ranger.

An obviously delighted Egyptian Premier declared "This is the sort of person our hard pressed government needs to reassert our control over the situation. Nile is a big, strong lad who gives 120 % in everything he does and he never knows when he's beaten. His sort of never say die attitude is exactly what we require and his presence could make all the difference. If only we had 5,000 others like him".

Alan Pardew later said "We wish Nile all the best for the rest of the season. He's suffered from back problems in the past but we're sure that these niggles will be things of the past thanks to the warmer climate. If these injury problems return, at least there will be plenty of Cairo practeurs around to help him."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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