Millions of viewers will tune in to tonight's Midsomer Murders to watch Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby's final case unaware that a family row has almost wrecked the farewell celebrations.
Barnaby is retiring from Causton CID after umpteen years investigating murders in the sanguineous county. He is being replaced by his cousin, John Barnaby.
But the new guy told us yesterday: "It's about time that old dinosaur went - he should have got the push years ago.
"Look at his record. On his watch there have been 222 murders! And a further 111 accidental deaths and 11 suicides have been associated with those cases.
"The old berk's a liability!"
But Tom Barnaby hit back: "I advised against the appointment of our John as hard as I could. He's a real dick-head.
"You mark my words, Midsomer's going to be like Stalingrad within a couple of weeks. Joyce and I are moving somewhere safer - like a South African township or a Rio de Janeiro favela!"