Written by IN SEINE
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Police, Internet, Crime

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

image for Police Crime Website Poses Problems
The police are no longer in their offices - they are on the streets!

A controversial website appears to have been hacked into by cyber criminals.

When In Seine News researched the level of crime in the surrounding streets of a pub in Shrewsbury, he found, first of all, that there was no page - which seems to imply that there were no crimes committed. He knew very well that there were alcohol-fuelled fights in these streets to which police were called on most nights of the week. Also 3 of the regulars had been burgled the week before.

On a second attempt, to gain access to the website an entirely different picture emerged; it showed that 8 people in the same street were caught for motoring offences (4 for speeding, 1 for driving while banned, 1 for driving with no tax and 1 for curb-crawling.) There were 2 people found urinating in a public place. 2 people were found to be carrying knives, whilst 2 more were found to be 'looking daggers' at each other.

5 people were caught sending indecent images over the Internet, 1 person was discovered selling stolen goods on eBay, whilst 3 more criminals were discovered using Google Earth to look for Stately Homes and Churches of the area for lead-flashing on their roofs. An alarming number of young people were found to be in breach of their ASBOs - of those 75 awarded to that particular street, 31 were engaged in under-age sex, 4 were dealing in drugs, 2 were arsonists, 6 people had not returned their library books on time and therefore incurred a penalty, a further dozen young people were discovered buying cigarettes and alcohol underage. The remaining 20 were all members of 2 gangs who were involved in a turf war.

A total of 72 people were working whilst claiming benefits. There were 5 prostitutes in the street on a regular basis and that includes 2 males!

"My oh my, haven't the police been busy?" This is just a snapshot of 3 roads in Great Britain - the problem is that these roads only contain a total of 125 houses and represent the coverage of 0.08 policemen. Somehow the figures just don't add up! It would appear that everyone is a criminal!

Finally, our investigator typed in the postcode of the Houses of Parliament in Westminster. His comment: "This venue should not be called the House of Commons, it should be renamed the House of Problems"

Make IN SEINE's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 5?

8 10 20 23
89 readers are online right now!

Go to top