The Foreign Office has today issued urgent travel advice to holidaymakers planning a trip to riot ravaged parts of Egypt.
Foreign Secretary, William Hague, said "The events taking place in Egypt are truly horrific for words. We have taken the unprecedented step to issue a travel alert." Mr Hague continued "We urge holidaymakers to cancel any non urgent travel to places like Spain, Italy, Cyprus etc and travel to Egypt instead."
As a murmur of incredulity swept through the room, Mr Hague explained "You heard me right. I'm not going daft. Travel to Egypt or, for those on a budget, Tunisia. You see, the vast majority of Egyptians are in the big cities, rioting. What does this mean to the holidaymaker? Well, tourist spots are deserted so you can loot to your heart's content, ride a camel without paying or walk up Khufre's pyramid without being shot dead by the army. Besides, the police are far too busy battering rioters. And you'll have the beach to yourself."
Scouse funnyman, Stan Boardman, concurred. "Me and the wife had the pool to ourselves. No Jeermans reserving sunbeds. They bombed our chippies" he added.
Tourist, Doreen Liptrott, said "We were here two years ago to visit the Great Pyramid. You couldn't move for tat. Papyrus tea towels, Sphinx foot spas, King Tut back scratchers, Nefertiti paper weights. This year, nothing. Mind you, I was hoping to get some more Nile Water and Eucalyptus Muscle Rub. Good stuff that. Comes in its own sarcophagus."
Fast food giant, McDonalds, is expected to remain open during the troubles whilst it promotes its Double McTut Riotburger with Cheese.