Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Monday, 31 January 2011

Royal bride-to-be Kate Middleton will not be travelling to church by car after all - both she and Prince William feel the consumption of petrol involved would not be appropriately 'green'. They have now decided to follow a suggestion made by Prince Philip and have Kate travel to the abbey in a sedan chair.

The royal sedan, to be shipped from China at the same time as the wedding crockery will require four porters or 'carriers'.

A palace spokesman points out though that on the day this will consist of several teams of four with each team only being required to carry the sedan for about a mile or so before changing over to a fresh team.

The spokesman also said that the decision to use a sedan was not only to save petrol - William and Kate are also keen to give a few unemployed youngsters what they see as being an important work training opportunity for them

Anyone who is currently 18-25 and claiming unemployment JSA is invited to apply for the limited amount of positions available. However, for security reasons they will need to be sufficiently strong and fit enough to be able to shift along significant faster than walking pace, though obviously that doesn't mean 'at a sprint'.

The speed must not be so fast that the well wishers standing along the route won't be able to catch more than a fleeting glimpse of Kate as she flashes past them in her chair.

Those interested in applying for the royal wedding work training opportunity should contact a member of staff at their local job centre to obtain and fill in the official application form a. s. a. p. Those chosen to be carriers on the day will receive a tax free sum of £15 on top of their usual JSA benefit.

Uniform will be provided to successful applicants.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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