People living in Newby on the Isle of Wight are getting cable TV at last. Newby Mayor, Asthur Askme, told reporters,
"Villagers are so excited as they will now be able to talk 'trash' with people on the mainland and understand 'trash'. Up until now we hadn't a clue who Justin Beiber, Lady Gaga, Nick Clegg and Jesus were. We've only had 2 channels up until now.
We are also ordering new TVs...colour ones with 20" screens. How's THAT for progress?
Little Billy Murray is so excited that he can't stop wetting himself.
We hope to have cable TV by April so that we can watch the Royal Wedding live. We just cannot wait to see Prince Philip get wed to that cute Diana Spencer."
Our reporter didn't have the heart to tell Major Arthur Askme that he is obviously suffering from early onset Alzheimers - so she approached the President of the Newby Women's Institute to gently break the news to the Mayor and also to, perhaps 'ease him out of office' and find a new Mayor for Newby Village.
We will keep you updated.