Written by Esmerelda11
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Topics: Sex, Office related

Sunday, 30 January 2011

image for It's No Sexcuse, Say Bosses!
Sexual activity

We've always known that a bit of the old hows-your-father in the morning perks up the working day, but now it's official! A group of doctors have found that a quickie before you catch the number 29 bus 'puts a glow on your face' and - it seems - boosts the immune system, thus giving you greater chance of resisting those cold and flu bugs that thrive in the winter.

Swift off the mark, several thousand employees have been putting into practice the good doctors' advice - with debatable results.

"Yes, it made me feel great," said Iaian Titmuss, 31, of Little Ugthorpe, "but the boss complained about me being late every morning. When I tried to explain that I was just following doctors' advice, he was quite sarcastic, and told me to 'pull the other one'. I said I'd already been doing that, and then I got the sack." (Mr. Titmuss is, incidentally, in a same-sex relationship.)

Ms. Wanda Lustt, 25, of Clerkenwell, said that she, too, had been guilty of late coming. "And that was while I was still at home," she said, giggling. "My boss wasn't at all sympathetic when I explained the reason for my arriving at the office at ten o'clock, and told me to get a move on. Funny," she added, thoughtfully, "that's what my partner said."

It was noticeable, though, that Ms. Lustt did indeed have a wonderful glow in her cheeks, and our reporter quietly reminded her to put her panties back on.

It seems that the reason for this recommendation to take morning exercise is due to the fact that men build up testosterone during the night, and by seven a.m. it's all raring to go! "There's a three hour window," explained the physicians, "in which to take advantage of this."

So, ladies, it would appear that if you want to wriggle out of pre-breakfast sex, you'll have to time your headaches! Incidentally, a bit of hanky-panky is thought to be more beneficial than the old standby when waking up to another unwelcome day: tea and toast.

Of course, when people become more expert at this morning activity, imaginative use could be made of that very toast and cuppa, but in the meantime, we foresee a lot of angry bosses and a lot of sheepish, but positively shiny workers sloping in through the door. It brings a whole new dimension to the old notion of 'cocking on', doesn't it?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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