Animals arriving at Heathrow airport, even those transferring to other flights, must now pass through the Animal Reception Centre. A spokesperson stated that it is well known that drugs and other contraband are smuggled in using animals from various countries across the world.
Here, at the Centre, they will be 'patted down' as regular human passengers are, and given full body cavity searches if they look at all suspicious.
So far, workers at the centre have:
a) Had an arm bitten off when looking inside an alligator's bottom when the alligator was deemed to be 'walking funny'
b) Lost fingers when poking them into a chimp's mouth when the chimp 'looked at a worker in a funny way'.
c) Had hair pulled out by the roots when approaching a kangaroo to give him a pat down. (It took four other workers to separate the two and the 'worker involved' had to be rushed to hospital as he was losing so much blood via his scalp).
Heathrow is constantly hiring 'new' staff for the Animal Reception Centre. If this proves to be too difficult a task during the coming weeks then they are considering closing down the Animal Reception Centre altogether. (Or hiring illegals to do the jobs. Ssssh!)