Sales of Royal Wedding condoms, to celebrate the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, have erupted throughout the world.
Manufacturers Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction have really hit the spot with this brilliant marketing idea. The condoms are regal-looking and coloured purple. They will be souvenirs to remember the royal screw which you have on April 29th on the day of the wedding.
Naturally one or two people will jump the gun and shoot themselves into world history by trying out the condoms before the approved date.
Sources close to Will & Kate claimed they wouldn't be using condoms on their Wedding night but they will keep a packet handy for when they have half a dozen children. However, as in the great tradition of Henry VIII, Kate has accepted she will have to step aside if she cannot produce a baby heir to the throne.
Buckingham Palace have officially refused to comment but I just happened to hear the Queen talking on her mobile phone. It was very odd as I had rung a completely different number and must have pressed the numbers incorrectly. Anyway it was a call from the Queen to William, her grandson.
'Is that Just William?' asked the Queen.
'No Grandma Kate is lying on top of me.'
'What do you think of these Royal condoms? Will you give them your blessing?'
'We don't need them Grandma. We do it without them.'
'Good show. I think we should push hard for the condoms as a boost to exports.'
There followed a silence. 'Sorry Grandma, Kate wanted something.
I'll ring you back Grandma'
The line went dead but the Royal Line looks set to continue.