BIRMINGHAM - A new report by the University of Birmingham has found out that homo stultus (common chav), is a 99% descendent of the Neanderthals.
"Yeah," said Dr. Bill Bates, "one of our colleagues got into a fight with a chav - and won. There was some blood and some hair folicles, and we made a joke about chavs not being human. We scanned in the DNA - for a joke - and the computer made a 99% match that homo stultus - which is Latin for man of stupid - is like homo erectus. Simple. I'm not talking about the mislabelled chavs who want to do right, you know, get out of their situation, we're talking about the douchebags who think they're better than you. WHO HAS A DAMN DOCTORATE? ME. NOT YOU!"
Already, squads of homo stultus are being rounded up for experimentation and observation.
Of course this technically doesn't go against human rights... because well, they aren't human. They are human-ish, but you know...
"We can learn a lot about modern man from these samples," Bates continued. "To know ones past is to predict ones future. Ah, philosophers. Another thing homo stultus doesn't understand."