Written by j.w.
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Saturday, 29 January 2011

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Education Minister Michael Gove is introducing a new way of teaching Maths.

He explained to Parliament : 'I went into a school yesterday and asked a child what 2 and 2 was. He said it a short skirt used in Ballet. I ask you, honourable members, what is happening to our country? Before children go back to school on Monday I want all schools to have my new Maths curricullum up and moving.'

The Minister continued to Government cheers that the new system would turn out young people who knew clocks did not strike thirteen, as they used to in 1984. No, the youngsters would be able to add, subtract and know how to build pyramid sales.

Head teacher, Malcolm Mopp, who has just taken his school into Academic Status, welcomed Gove's far sighted moves. 'Gone will be the days when we only fielded ten players for our football team. Or thought nine was German for No. This is the way for Britain to get ahead and transform check out points at supermarkets for ever.'

NUT secretary general, Joseph Probly, complained his members had to grasp the new system in a day. 'Twenty three hours is not enough' he said.

I mixed with young people at a club and asked them what they thought. 'The Government is messing around with our education again' complained one 'we are the ones who have to do the extra work and what about everything we have learnt up to now? I think the Government should get off our backs.' Cheers rang out and a rendition of 'Teacher - leave us alone' rang through the club.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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