Written by Masheded
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Thursday, 27 January 2011

image for Jo Yeates Murder Suspect: Defence Lawyer Appointed
Jimmy might be funny, but hes rubbish at chucking bricks

Staunch supporters in the Netherlands have made vast financial donations toward ensuring Vincent Tabak is properly represented in court.

Outrageous comedian, Jimmy Carr, who practiced law for 12 years before becoming Britain's best loved comedian, has agreed to take on the case for an undisclosed fee.

I interviewed him today on his croquet lawn, situated in his large English country estate directly in front of the main wing, and as usual, the funny man wasn't short of things to say:

"I received a phone call a couple of days ago. Well, actually my butler did, and I took it in my Rolls. This Dutch guy started saying something to me about going to court. Well, I shit my pants I can tell you. I only came back from a stag do in Amsterdam last week. Unfortunately, the groom, best man and brides brother haven't managed to get bail yet"

Jimmy stopped briefly to brush a fleck of imaginary dust from his smoking jacket, and looked very smug and had, unusually, an air of superiority.

"I didn't want any part of it at first, but it turned out that the Dutch thought the whole accusation was joke. And I thought ""I'm your man". The guys been accused of murdering a girl in Bristol AND eating her pizza. It's got to be a giggle hasn't it? I mean, there's enough material in this one to keep me going for a couple of years, and him for a considerably lot more."

When asked what Jimmy's strategy would be, he summed it up true Jimmy fashion. He said:

"I'm mostly going to go for the British aristocrat look, and start off with a few one liners. If there are a lot of women on the jury, then I'll stay away from the ironing jokes, but go for broke with a lot of paedophile jokes instead. Hopefully this will help loosen up the audience a little. Then I'm thinking of picking on a couple of people in the public gallery, and a few hecklers. Then I'll probably close with a few intellectual jokes, thus reminding the judge that us aristocrats have to stick together. Maybe he'll throw the case out. My agent's negotiating as we speak to see if we can get it televised."

We asked Jimmy where he got his law degree, and what sort of experience he's had with murder cases in the past. At this point Jimmy summoned his various blood hounds and his gardener, chasing us from the property. After scaling the 9 foot high metal railings, and running for our lives, Jimmy, after aiming a house brick at us, could clearly be heard shouting:

"Go and get a real job like me, you f##king parasites!"

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