Written by Ellis Ian Fields

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Wednesday, 26 January 2011

image for Benefit Cheats Are Taking Us To The Cleaners!
Len Twat's runabout.

Headlines in the UK's "exploding head" press this morning proclaimed the latest scandal that proves we're going to Hell in a handcart.

Of all the people claiming sickness benefit, 75 per cent are skiving, screamed the Daily Express.

"Benefit cheats are taking us to the cleaners," the sub-head howled.

But, as usual, "The world's greatest newspaper" had got the wrong end of the stick.

As EIF News & Features can report, this is a new programme put together by the skiving bastards themselves to "put something back into the community."

Len Twat, who lives in the same street as one of our correspondents, said: "It's like, every day I'll nip round the neighbours and see if any of 'em need their cleaning doing.

"'Course, I ain't gonna do it for 'em, that'd be working, innit? But I'll give 'em lift down the launderette - look, I'll even pick 'em up again later.

"Yeah, there's a bunch of us got together down the benefits office and agreed to do this. Least we can do really - get plenty of petrol allowance 'cos o' me back, see."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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