Headlines in the UK's "exploding head" press this morning proclaimed the latest scandal that proves we're going to Hell in a handcart.
Of all the people claiming sickness benefit, 75 per cent are skiving, screamed the Daily Express.
"Benefit cheats are taking us to the cleaners," the sub-head howled.
But, as usual, "The world's greatest newspaper" had got the wrong end of the stick.
As EIF News & Features can report, this is a new programme put together by the skiving bastards themselves to "put something back into the community."
Len Twat, who lives in the same street as one of our correspondents, said: "It's like, every day I'll nip round the neighbours and see if any of 'em need their cleaning doing.
"'Course, I ain't gonna do it for 'em, that'd be working, innit? But I'll give 'em lift down the launderette - look, I'll even pick 'em up again later.
"Yeah, there's a bunch of us got together down the benefits office and agreed to do this. Least we can do really - get plenty of petrol allowance 'cos o' me back, see."